Thought Disease

"You suffer a thought disease Sir" said the physician.Yes I do.. Wish I had a solution !!!


Wish I had a delete button to remove all clutter from my thoughts
Wish I had a refresh button to cheer up the bad mood
(Sigh)
Wish I had a ctrl+alt+del to open a task manager window to kill unwanted thoughts

Wish I could click on pause to temporarily stop all thoughts for a while

Oh no ..
Wish I could hit end see my thoughts on the last day of my life
Wish I could hit home and get back to my mother's womb to know what i was thinking
or at least a page down button to peep through the next day's thoughts

Am I asking for more????
Wish I had a restart button, to start life all over again

The Unwelcome Guest!!

Why would you trouble me like this?
I don't want to see you anymore
You are so painful.
No medicines work effectively.
You make me hate myself..
Though I don't want to give you a place,
You claim space where I don't want you
Your influence is too high,
That even my enemies ask about your impact on me.
You spoil my charm
You spoil my calm
Hey, still people say you reveal femininity..
Oh you! The pimple a on my right cheek..
I know.. you are the outcome of my craving for
a little more sugary
a little more slurpy Jamun.

Celebration!!

It was past midnight
I was fast asleep

I was woken up by some loud noise
I thought I was conscious..
I fell into trance
I could still hear the sound.
I knew that was the sound of celebration
I could hear it near..
No that was from somewhere very far
As time progressed louder and clearer..
There was a sudden flash of light..
I knew that was again from the celebration..
I strained to visualize the celebration..
What could it be ?
Who would be celebrating?
Where was it going on?
There was again a flash of light..
I got annoyed at my friend for leaving the room window open.
I was too sleepy to get up and close it.
I heard a loud sound followed by it..
And I woke up with the splash of water on my face..

It was the celebration in the sky..
I woke up with the smile to know it was thunder and lightning..
With rain drops on my face!!!

Flamboyant Proposal

A painting half done is just paint spilt over paper.
Hey Artist!! Here waits the brush..
A sculpture half finished is a broken stone.
Hey Sculptor!! Here waits the chisel..
A poem half written is an incomplete sentence...
Hey Poet!! Here waits the pen.

Hey Man!!.. You see..
This hand longs for your attention..
This hand yearns for a companion
The owner has made numerous efforts to make beautify it..
It waits to be held
And  awaits the glow of a lustrous metal..
Life without you is incomplete..You complete it......

Shadow - Curse or Cure?

I was too young to resist.. my mother said " don't go out in the sun, play in the shade". I believed the shadows were a cure to avoid curse of not playing outdoors.
Time passed.... New shadows were casted... I am still ignorant of the light..
I was told light would harm.. I trusted shade was safer.
I was told light was dangerous.. I took it to heart.
I was told I shall walk you through... I longed for a drive.
I was told there could be no better shadows...  I never knew what I was denied of.
I was told shadows were personalised gifts..I realized I was already sharing.
I thought I could cast a shadow too... No..That was curse befallen..
I was never let to cast my shadow... I was always over shadowed.
I thought I could fly..I waited
Innocence
I thought I had no wings.. I waited for it to grow.
Immature
I thought my wings were broken.. I waited for it to cure.
Ignorance
I waited for a day to stretch my wings and fly..
Alas... They were tied..
I fought.. I removed...
Now they are broken beyond repair
I wish I was a bird with wings to fly..

Are you Miss Rapunzel? - The Blind Man's Encounter

I knew she passed by
Wish she could have stayed longer
I knew she was near

Wish I could get hold of her
I knew she was at the table before me
I was moving closer without will..
I knew she was walking before me..
I effortlessly followed.

Is that what people call "magic"?
An aroma swept across my face..
Something caressed my arm..

Is that what people call "flower"?
For I know not what shape it is..
I was taught that flowers smell good.
And I walked towards it...

Is that what people call "a butterfly"?
I've heard butterflies flutter around flowers and I thought I felt  it..
For the touch was like something I was taught "soft" feels like ..

I heard a giggle..
Oh sir.. That's my hair..came the reply
So Are you Miss Rapunzel?
Ha ha ha ..
Miss..But my hair doesn't have the same fragrance and texture?
Sir I use Dove Hair Care Therapy..That was the end of my hair problems.
Hmm..........

You know me??

I know you are powerful..
Still I used you with least care.
I know you are poisonous..
Still I seek your help.
I know you can cut and slaughter...
Still I use you to protect myself.
I know you can pierce and leave a permanent scar..
Still I was after you to make you my weapon.
I know you can break beyond repair
Still I made every effort to utilize you very effectively.

You have the other extremes too..
You can bring laurels,
Very few get it..
You can heal wounds...
Very few resort to it..
You can erase grief...
Who cares
You can make relationships...
Oh.. Here it is all fake..
You can cure...
You can create warmth...
You can bring peace...

Despite these supreme capabilities... men take you for granted.
Men learnt very little about how cautiously and wisely you need to be handled.

Lord.. You blessed us with this gift... The WORD
Spare us from this falling curse of not using it correct..


“Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be
acceptable in thy sight, O LORD” (Psalm 19:14).

This can happen to you too!!

This happened last Thursday. In a journey from Chennai to Trichy witnessed a strange event. I traveled in KPN Volvo Multi Axle AC bus.

It was past midnight. I found the guy from the immediate seat behind moving about . He was searching for his bag as the lights were dim and finally located it.He walked back with it. A few minutes later saw him put the bag back in place.

I had a disturbed sleep and I woke up. I saw a guy standing a few seats far and was digging into luggage space. To my surprise I realized it was the same guy as he walked back and occupied the seat behind me.

There were hardly any people when the bus was stopped for a break around 3. My friend who traveled with me got down for a cup of coffee. I woke up and was shaken to find the bus empty. I turned I saw the guy staring at me.

As the bus reached the outskirts of the city, my friend was telling me about the same guy moving up and down and carrying bags. My friend was annoyed by the movement for he hit the reclined seat every time he tried to step our of his seat.
 When the bus stopped , and the first passenger was getting ready to get down, I realized that the old man was carrying the bag which this guy was digging at night. I couldn't get hold what was going on. I alerted my friend about my shock. My friend showed another bag and said that the guy was carrying that bag just a few minutes before. But that was in a another guys lap.

By the time I realized that he was a potential thief, I had to  get down.
He realized that we knew and he got down at the next stop in a hurry.
I walked following him. He and his companion paced down the road and was nowhere in minutes.
They carried just normal backpacks like everyone else.
Not sure if it was cellphones, cash or what other things ..

People woke up from their sleep. Collected their luggage and innocently headed home.
Not sure when they searched for their valuables.. did they complain at KPN office?
Did they guess something like this?

The e-ticket and the website says "The company is not responsible for any loss, theft or damage to luggage(s)".
I was clouded by thoughts for I couldn't be of any help ..Had I realized it earlier, would I have dared to walk and alert people about a thief in the bus? Would people believe me if I had said so? Suppose he knew that I was about to alert people would he attack me?

Power of NO

The most important words in any language are small words. “Yes,” for example. Love. God. These are words that are easy to utter, and they fill in empty spaces in our world.
However, there is one word – also a small one – that we find difficult to say: “No”.-- Says Paulo Coelho in the article On the importance of NO .

As I read through the article, my mind started a parallel process of reflecting on my "Yes" and "No". The output of the contemplation is the write up below..

You defined my boundaries.. I let you do it for I believed you knew me.
Wish I had uttered a NO.
For you trespassed..

You laid restrictions.. I happily obliged for I thought you secured me.

Wish I had uttered a NO.
For you are nowhere around now and I am clueless how to secure myself.

You brought in your version of social networking for me.. I accepted for I trusted for it was for my good.
Wish I had uttered a NO.
For that is applicable only for me and you had different versions time to time.

You told me to whom I should and shouldn't be friends with.. I agreed for I have you and I never needed anybody else.
Wish I had uttered a NO.
For I fought limbless and I am orphaned now.
You have patched up whomsoever whenever necessary at ease.

I spelt out every movement of mine.. I strictly kept you informed. You did too.
Wish I had uttered a NO. and heartily expected and accepted a NO too.
Now I don't do it for it hurts another soul with whom you know I will be safe too.
Now when I ask you about your whereabouts.. You retort "Who are you?"

Holding hard to the all the "Yes"
I still wish that i had said a NO.. and yet to say a NO.Lost and clueless... Don't know where, when and how to say NO..
For who am I now? My 'Yes' or 'No' means the same.

The doll was keyed to smile.. it effortlessly did
The doll was keyed to sing... it wholeheartedly did
The doll was keyed to dance... it gracefully did....
It was admired.. adored.
It performed with keying.. It was applauded.
It was bent, turned and tossed.. it flexed.. for it vouched it was in safe hands.

Keys were misplaced.. Tunes changed.. Limbs became weak, broken..
Now it is bent, turned an tossed beyond control...
It took a toll..
The doll is broken beyond repair.
Now it is just a discarded broken toy.

Family Trip

A trip to Vailakanni with my parents and sibling to see the Mother of good health.

The Little Princess!!

Ever held a rose bud wrapped in a cloth?

Ever touched it?

Ever seen people run about in elation on seeing it?

Ever seen adults blush?

It was one of those moments, I didn't want to see dew on a the rose bud.

Yes it was cute little baby in my arms...

I saw her parents and grand parents run and laugh in joy.

yes it was three years ago...

Then I saw her grow.. sit up.. stand... and beautifully toddle.

Its was magic to hear her initial words.

I can still hear you calling me "athai". I' ve loved watching you doze off and sleep on my lap

You were one of those lovely little ones who imitated my gestures.

you were the one whom I dared to carry without a diaper. You are the one who has pissed the max no of times on my lap. You snatched away ur toys from me.. You took away plates if I ate food..

Vow I was your play time rival...

You have great responsibilities growing up as a girl, a daughter to my anna...

I always thought and I wanted to be your soul mate when you grow up.

The person to whom a girl can talk what she does not want to talk to her mother and father..

For I know what is it to be a daughter to your dad.

Good and Bad times created distance between us...

I am just praying and wishing all happiness and good health paapu... 

You will have a great year ahead..

Read, Write, Play and Enjoy lots...

Hugs and Kisses

Happy Birthday Paapu 

.....................

Ephemeral!!

I thought I would be carried along , no I was thrown..
I wasn't a hanky.. just a paper tissue.
I thought I was meant to write something worthy...
I was not preferred for I leaked and soiled fingers
my ink dried, and I was not refilled.
... Just a fountain pen.
I thought I was valuable
No.. the gift was worthy....
I was just the wrapper covering it...
I carried your precious one's medicine
I was worth only when you were able to pour out something from me..
Just a plastic bottle.
I was at the most accessible space
I held your kid's yummy baby food...
I was important only till the food lasted. Thrown off for I occupied space.
Just an aluminum tin.
I was colorful, fragrant, lovable, beautiful, admirable, travelled to the alter... Was adored.
Was just a flower that lasted a day
I thought I left a void....
I was soon replaced.:'(

Am I worth only that?

I thought I was picked up to add value
I was put off hurriedly...
I was happy that I was made fresh
Realised late that it was only for a hot dip in oil...
I was happy that I was accepted the way I was
Worried for I was meant only to decorate..
Was happy when I thought there was somebody accompanying
I thought I was worth even more...
Alas!! That was my journey to the bin.
-Curry leaf

Bliss!!

Blessed are you , If you could add meaning to a person's life by a small act.
Blessed are you , If you could bring a smile to a bruised soul
Blessed are you , If you could make someone's day...
Blessed are you, If you expressed gratitude without saying thanks.
Blessed are you, If you could prove that you deserved the little you gift handed over to you.

Thanking god for this talented chap who made my day with a sketch painted with a crayon set i gifted.
These sketches brought a smile and made my day!! As i always say "You deserve the best in life"

Still a dream !! A dreamer

My dream castle is yet to be built. Bricks are yet be bought
Laziness has won...
I still keep admiring bloggers and keep wishing to become one... Hoping to make it soon...
Happy about something... I read more than what i was doing when I made the previous post.

Thanks to my friend Sivaranjani whom I've always found reading something or the other.
For the time period close to two years that we spent together, I remember she would have read at least 50 books. She read fiction, non fiction and self help books. She reads both Tamil and English.She was my first inspiration to read.. Then there was another girl Priyanka, who read only crime, thriller and only fiction.
Of all the girls I met in that hostel in 4 years of stay these two different from the lot.
Definitely inspiring.. determined.. definitely with a goal in mind.
They spoke less.. Listened more..Laughed less..Smiled more...

I've always admired them a lot... They left a mark which cannot be erased...

Wish I could read more and at least begin to write..
Struggling hard..........

You're Mine

Recently i read "A 30 second story".
I reflected on the story several times that day and the days that follwed until this minute.
Felt that was specially meant for me.
Those 30 seconds touched me a lot.

This is the outcome of that impact.

I've been in the habit of shouting at people(or my close ones) when I am angry.
I shout when i am not heard or when i want to be heard.
I shout when i am helpless and my loved ones take time time to point out my mistake instead of helping my way out.
I shout when I am badly in need of some extra love and care and my need is ignored.
I shout to bring my people out of the dumbness in their reaction... when I very well know they can do much better.
At times , I shout at them for no reason... i want them to know that something/somebody has upset me badly.

May be i had not taken time to tell you all why I yelled at you .
I've always wanted you to understand thatit is one of the above reason that I am screaming.. and I never articulated why.
BUt this story brought it to a stop or at least reduced it considerably.

Here it is...Your 30 seconds!!
http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2012/01/09/30-sec-reading-why-do-we-shout-in-anger/

A master asked his disciples:
‘Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?’


the disciples thought for a while, and one of them said
‘Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.’
‘But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you? ‘Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you’re angry?’
The disciples gave him some other answers but none satisfied the master.


Finally he explained:
‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.’


Then the master asked:
‘What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small…’


And he concluded:
‘When they love each other even more, what happens?
‘They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love.


‘Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’

I dedicate this to two people i Love the most in my life and at whome I shout the worst..
Did i forget to mention something here..
Ha ha..Yes..
These two people take all liberty to shout/yell/scream/scold..just for one reason
They say "Your're Mine".

Here I conclude, I dont want to distance myself from you for those few seconds too..

Thoughts without words!!

One minute in a game of dumb charade can make you feel paralyzed and your limbs are deprived of an action to convey the word in mind.
My recent encounter with a deaf and mute person at the counter at KFC restaurant left me in awe which made me write this here. Yes the person who takes order at the counter was not able to hear and repeat my order but served my food right. My hearty wishes to this initiative of KFC to employ these challenged people. The outlet near Santhome church has a good number such people working there.All staff (not all are challenged) at that outlet converse in a sign language which will leave you thinking what it means to articulate a few words...

"Look at your heart and tongue, one feels but deaf and dumb, the other speaks in words and signs."
-Jalal ad-Din Rumi  

Will I ?

Months have passed.. Years have passed...my thoughts of becoming a Blogger is still a dream. Happy that I've become a better reader... And that I read lots everyday... But will make my dream of a Blogger come true??!!!!
All human beings are also dream beings. Dreaming ties all mankind together. -Jack Kerouac